Sunday, December 30, 2012

UAE Driving Morons

There was a day recently when it rained heavily. Now to most people reading this, that is not news. In the UAE, it is! When it rains here, the roads are like Whacky Races on acid. So on that fateful day a few weeks ago, 3 people died and there were 630 crashes on the UAE's roads. A few days later there was an article in the newspaper in which they interviewed seven young Emirati drivers about their driving habits. Without naming them, here are some of the stunning quotes:-

No.1 Male, 25, drives a 2009 Blue Nissan GTR (Dh360,000) with turbo and filters. The turbo - which costs a further Dh50,000 - boosts the engine to 800 horsepower

"he doesn't race on public roads as much as he used to. If he did want to race, he says he would not take a passenger because he wouldn't want to be responsible for them if anything were to happen."
..but sod everyone else on the road eh?

"he tends not to text while he is driving - especially if his parents are with him." considerate.

No.2 Male, 23, drives a brand new BMW M5 (Dh600,000) - an exclusive sports car noted for its high performance and twin turbo engine

"He also drives fast, mostly out of habit. "Sometimes you need to drive fast, especially in the morning when you don't want to be late for work," he says."

...I cant believe he would ever be late for work

"His first car was a Hummer, but he found it boring and too slow. He also has a supercharged Toyota FJ Cruiser for his desert trips."
...poor chap, fancy only having a boring Hummer as your first car. Heart. Bleeds.

"says people look at and speak to him differently because he has M5"

...Really? hahahaha

"Being a fast driver, xxxxx says he gets about three speeding tickets a week. "Even though I'm a fast driver I don't have any accidents," he says. "Radars, I get every day.""
...those cameras really are a great deterrent aren't they? Not.

"He doesn't usually race against other cars because few other vehicles are up to the challenge. If it's a Ferrari, he might be tempted."

...this guy really does have a very small penis doesn't he?

No.3 Male, 25, drives an FJ Cruiser (Dh140,000) tweaked for off-road travel.

""When a person drives it reflects his personality and manners, and I suppose I should show that when driving," he says. "Driving is not a game, I should be responsible for the lives on the road." last! a sensible person!

No.4 Male, 29, has his own property company and a collection of cars. He has a red Ferrari, a black Mercedes G55 (Dh575,000), both with special licence-plate numbers. He also has a BMW 750 series, a BMW X5, a Cadillac CTS and a Smart car. These he counts as his personal vehicles, with the G55 his favourite. For family trips he takes either a Land Cruiser or a Cadillac Escalade.

...has lots of wonga!

"says even though he is a car lover and collector, he no longer races on public roads after he had a terrible accident seven years ago."
...well i guess thats an improvement

"The fastest he has driven was 328kph in his cousin's Porsche GT3 a few years ago"

... err that's 203 Mph folks...on a public road!

"wears his seatbelt only on main roads - because those are the only places he would speed."
...apparently injuries only occur when you are speeding

No.5 Female, 21, an international affairs student, drives a white Range Rover Sport (Dh280,000). Her first car was a small Mercedes and she wasn't very comfortable in it as she prefers 4x4s.

...oh bless her, she wasn't comfortable in her first Mercedes - she needed a £50k Range Rover!

"admits she has been driving a little faster to get to her destination - but she always wears her seatbelt."
...well thats a good start.

No.6, Female, 22, has been driving a red Mercedes SLK 200 (our estimate: Dh180,000) for the past three years. The car was a gift from her father and not the model she would have chosen for herself. "It wasn't easy driving this car because of its small size," she says. "But it is fun once you get used to it."

...spoilt per chance?

'She says that even though she is always speeding, she doesn't bother other drivers.'
...well thats ok then!

"If I'm in a hurry I would overtake people or drive in the emergency lane," she says. "But I don't force people to change their lane." jolly considerate!!!

"She admits to texting while driving and speeding, but she said she doesn't usually get many tickets."
...I don't think the cameras reach the emergency lane.

"I have no idea why I speed," she says. "Sometimes I just like hearing the engine."
...I like the engine sound I do....she loves blinking too.

No.7 (saving the best til last!), Female, has been driving a white BMW 320 (Dh210,000) for about two years. She got the sports car because she thinks it reflects her personality; calm yet rapid.


"has been driving since 2006 and says she knows the rules and is safe on the road. "I've got to a level where I know how to control my car and myself," she says. "I can text, while eating, and still be able to drive well.""

...need I say more???

"She enjoys driving fast because it is a stress reliever for her."Sometimes I feel bottled up, and I don't know who talk to. That is how I let go of stress," she says."

...I'm sure she has such a stressful life...

'Most months, she gets about five speeding tickets but in some she doesn't get any.'

...those are the months she is on holiday in Monaco, Miami, Rome, The Maldives or St Kitts

...there is no hope...


  1. The odd thing is how few Ferraris and the like you see around Abu Dhabi. Where are all the Italian super cars?

  2. Abu Dhabi tends to be a bit more refined generally - leaving the flashiness to Dubai :-)

    They prefer Mercs, BMWs, Range Rovers and Bentleys - the main weapon of choice, the Land Cruiser!